Driving on the Left

Let me warn you, right up front: getting a full driving license in Ireland is prohibitively difficult.

It's like going for a motorcycle license in New York State: the examiners see a young lad standing next to the Honda that might kill him, and the application's stamped 'unsuccessful' before the test has even begun. In the last few years, with so many more cars on Irish roads and so many more people driving, the number of highway fatalities has skyrocketed. I guess the restrictive tests are the Department of the Environment's way of showing they're serious about the problem. Maybe they're even right.

Here's how the license thing works over here:

If you're just coming as a tourist, don't worry about it. A valid US driver's license from any state will do you for six months. If you play the DFA, it can last you a lot longer. Example: "What chyoo say? Oh, I'm rightly sorry thare, deputy! Back in Texas, sure 'nuf, thare are places a horse won't go! We gotta chase them doggies in pickup trucks, so everyone's legal to drive since they're a young 'un! Mosey along now? Sure 'nuf, and thanks, deputy!"

If you'll be here for more than six months, Drivers License application forms are available from any Garda Station, (or, in Dub dialect, "cop shop.") Go pick some up.

Fill out your forms and send them in. Sooner or later, you'll receive back a green 'Provisional License' in the post. This lets you and a fully-certified driver putter around on most roads, as long as a big red 'L' is displayed in the front and back window of your mobile. It's just like a Learner's Permit in the States.

After nine or ten months (no exaggeration, no joke) of this, you'll be notified by post that your appointment for a driving test is finally coming up. When you get this notice, go out and take two or three driving lessons. Even if you've been driving for fifteen years (like me), swallow yer pride and submit to the nagging of one of these surrogate mother-in-laws. Driving instructors here will tell you all of the nitpicky little things that the testers will be watching for, on your day. You'll want to whack the hypercritical little bastard, I guarantee it. Just remember, if you don't pass the test on the first go, it's another nine or ten months' wait, at the higher "Provisional License" insurance rates. Hundreds of pounds.

Finally comes your test. There's a short quiz about road signs and rules. The normal questions you'd expect, answers to which are straight outta the "Rules of the Road" book you've been studying. Then comes the practical part, where you drive the tester around and he makes cryptic marks on a clipboard over how poorly you downshift through the gears and how shite an observer you are. They also ask you to do stupid things, like reverse around corners onto side-streets. Good freakin luck.

Anyway, you'll fail and have to re-apply. It's the sort of think that people give each other Hallmark cards about, over here: "Congratulations on Finally Passing your Driving Test!" Second or third time around, when you finally pass, they give you a pink license and you're good to go! Whee.

Cool thing about an Irish license--- it automatically qualifies as an International Driving License. You can drive anywhere in the world on one, I understand. So if you're spending time in Morovia or Paraguay, you won't have to go through the local version of all this Driving License bullshit.

Oh, and some driving tips: