Critical Mick

Reviews Free of Rules.

Reviews by the Clown that All Other Critics Want to Strangle with a Black Turtleneck

Undead and Unwed
MaryJanice Davidson
Berkley, 2004

Do Prada Make Dracula Capes?

On the day she is fired from her secretarial job, thirty-year-old Betsy Taylor chases her cat out into the road and gets whacked dead by a skidding Pontiac. Normally when former models get knocked into trees they do not wake up as vampires, but MaryJanise Davidson's Undead and Unwed is the type of book that turns many conventions on their heads.

Betsy awakes not only a vamp, she is the long-prophesied Queen of the Dead. She's immune to crosses and holy water and swiftly gathers an unwanted equivalent to Dracula's servile wolf pack. All manner of colorful minor characters- hunky detective Nick Berry, a suicidal but cute ER doctor named Marc, random pedestrians, priests, cab drivers- fall under her enchanting power. It turns out Minneapolis is full of vampires, who live of course in fantastic opulence in giant gothic mansions, perform strange rituals, pledge dark allegiance to warring factions- the typical Anne Rice/Underworld/Blade load of bollocks. Both the dastardly Nostradamus and the enigmatic, darkly attractive Sinclair soon engage in political power broking and perverse seductions. Her awakening breaks the uneasy truce and conflict soon boils into all-out vampire war.

The hook that makes Undead and Unwed work is that Betsy couldn't care less. Queen of the Dead, huh? The only thing she wants to be sucking on is a blueberry milkshake from Dairy Queen. Though dead, she's intent on living it up- going shopping, hanging out with her best friend Jessica, sparring with the evil stepmother who tried to bury her in an absurd pink suit and buy-one-pair-get-the-second-at-half-price Payless shoes. The same way that the flick Army of Darkness worked by making main character Ash a bit of an idiot, Undead and Unwed works by making the vampire queen into the blonde straight outta Clueless.

The result is a fast, light, entertaining read. Or re-read. A certain chick-lit fan who shall remain nameless is still giggling her way through fave parts of Undead and Unwed and its sequel, Undead and Unemployed whenever her spirits need a boost. I don't think the library is going to get these copies back.

Critical Mick says: Though the writing is not subtle or stylish, Undead and Unwed has got attitude. It also has an ungodly amount of focus on fashion. What's with that? Blokes cannot understand shoe obsessions, but we can skim forward to the many full-on sex scenes. Way-hey! Betsy is one vamp that Blade had better not stake. He'd better not kill me either. Enjoying this chick-lit vamp romp does NOT make me a girly-man.

Mick is a sucker for vampy things. He even knows the vampire dance!

Yo! This review and all content on the DFA Guide site are copyright 2006 Mick Halpin. All links to other sites and documents are copyright to whatever source wrote something cool enough for Mick to give it a referral. Try to claim them as your own work and bad karma will catch up with you, baby. Believe it.

Irate, huh? Managed to piss off another one? Direct your hatemail to mick @ mickhalpin dot com.

This Page Was Last Updated On 3 December, 2006.